Privacy Policy

1. The short version

You give us your email. We send you funny emails about teenagers. We don't sell your information, because our business model is newsletters, not data brokerage. That's the whole privacy policy, but the lawyers made us write ten more sections.

2. Who this site is for

Adults. Specifically parents of teenagers, but any adult who wants to understand teen culture is welcome. This site is not for children under 13, and we don't knowingly collect anything from them. If we somehow end up with a child's data, we delete it. Promptly. Apologetically.

Teens aged 13 to 17 can join our Cool Check panel, where they vote on what's cool and earn a little money doing it. They pick a code name. We know their age, gender, and general location. We don't know their real names. Their followers know more about them than we do.

3. What we collect

Email subscribers: Your email address and whether you're on the free or paid list. Our email provider (Beehiiv) stores it.

Paid subscribers: Payment details go straight to our payment provider. We never see your full card number, which is for the best.

Cool Check teens (ages 13 to 17): Code name, age, gender, general location, votes, and earnings balance. No real names, no contact details.

Teacher tipsters: Your name, email, what you told us, and some technical metadata (rough location and network info) used only so one person can't claim the gift card eleven times.

Website visitors: Anonymous analytics, with your permission. We measure visits, quiz starts and scores, sharing actions, challenge referrals, signup steps, and outbound links. Events use random anonymous visitor and session IDs, a public page path, referrer hostname, campaign tags, and country. Email addresses, names, phone numbers, ZIP codes, and consent-link tokens are never stored in analytics. IP addresses are used for a split second to guess your country, then forgotten, like most of high school.

Google Analytics 4 is optional and runs only when configured and permitted. Do Not Track and Global Privacy Control disable first-party tracking and Google Analytics. You can withdraw permission in Cookie preferences. Choosing essential storage only doesn't break anything. Quizzes, signup, and support all keep working.

4. How we use information

To run the business: sending the newsletter, processing payments, paying teens for votes, sending teachers gift cards, and figuring out which stories parents actually read. We don't sell your data. We don't use it for advertising. We barely use it for anything except the thing you asked us to do.

5. Who we share data with

Beehiiv, which sends the emails. They need your email address. That's the entire relationship.

Our payment provider, which handles money. They need payment details. That's their entire relationship.

Authorities, but only where legally required, like a valid court order. Not because someone asked nicely.

6. Data retention

We keep your info as long as you use the thing it's for. Unsubscribe and ask us to delete it, and we will, unless the law says we have to keep something. Tax records. The IRS is sentimental that way.

7. Your rights

Depending on your state, you may have the right to know what we hold about you, get a copy, correct it, or delete it. Email help@lowkeynewsletter.com and a human will respond within 45 days. Usually faster. Exercising your rights won't affect your subscription. That would be petty, and we're not petty.

8. Security

Encryption, access controls, limited staff access, and the discipline to never write passwords on sticky notes. No system is uncrackable. If your data is affected by a breach on our watch, we'll notify you as required by law, and we'll feel awful about it.

9. Cookies and tracking

Two kinds. The functional kind that makes the site work, and the optional analytics kind described in section 3. Your email never goes into analytics. You can change your mind anytime in Cookie preferences.

10. Changes to this policy

We'll post updates here with a new effective date. Material changes get flagged here and in the newsletter. We won't bury them. Burying things is for teenagers.

11. Contact

Privacy questions, access or deletion requests: help@lowkeynewsletter.com, or write to Lowkey Newsletter, LLC, 540 S Gaylord St, Denver, CO 80209.

Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information

Short version: we don't. Long version: /do-not-sell.